I am here with you
by Krissy4
Summary: I couldn't believe him, hiding his emotions like that! He was crazy, he was stupid, and... he was crying. (A one-stab attempt.)


Lily made her way through the crowd; at least twenty five people, all dressed up, were standing around in small groups; talking quietly. They all had their heads bent down towards the ground and were talking in monotone voices. The house seemed to have that effect on everybody; as if they talked to loud she'd wake up. She bit her lips as some younger ones asked their parents what was wrong with Mattie. She saw James standing in a corner looking much he always did; in a dream like stance, lost in his own world and looking rather out of place in his normal wear.  
  
"Hi James," Lily said as she met up with him. Acknowledged her with one of his heart melting smiles but the sparkle seemed to be missing from his eyes. "Listen, James, I'm really sorry about Mattie..."  
  
"What are you talking about?" James asked cheerfully as he looked into her eyes. "She's fine."  
  
"James," Lily sighed, her heartbreaking at his arrogance.  
  
"What, Mattie's fine." He pressed as he walked through the crowds and downstairs. Lily stood there, near the corner as she tried to hold back her tears. She wiped them away with the back of her hands and soon began to walk downstairs. She passed Sirius and Remus as she went down the stairs, both of them in their best black robes and looked rather somber. She found James all alone sitting in the lounge stirring his tea as he sat at a deserted table. Her pity soon turned into anger as she grew frustrated with him.  
  
"What do you think you're doing down here" She asked, the compassion in her voice missing from the last time she talked to him.  
  
"I'm just getting something to drink, pull up a chair," he offered as he gestured to the one next to him.  
  
"Why are you down here," Lily asked him again.  
  
"Can't a guy get some tea with out being asked twenty questions?" He asked as his voice rose.  
  
"Why aren't you up there seeing Mattie" she wondered as she felt the tears well up again.  
  
"Why should I," James asked her as he took a sip out of the Styrofoam cup.  
  
"Because you'd regret it later, if you don't." She told him simply as his gentle face turned hard.  
  
"Would I regret it Lily? Why would I regret it? Did you ever stop to think that I don't want to see her because I can't?" He exploded as she took a step back in surprise. "It's probably easy for you to see her, you didn't hold her when she was a baby, you didn't comfort her when she was afraid of the monsters in the closet or watch over her when Mom and Dad were out of town. But I did, and that's all I can think about... So I'm down here hiding"  
  
"James," Lily said softly.  
  
"Did you ever think that I can't face the thought that my little sister is above me in a coffin at this very moment; or that I know that tomorrow, when I wake up, she wont be tackling me with one of her 'Good Morning' hugs? Maybe you didn't think about the time I yelled at her because she was annoying me or any of the other times I hurt her feeling? And the times I shrugged her off because I was too busy or when I didn't tell her that I loved her. Not seeing her isn't the thing I'll regret Lily! The thing I regret is that I didn't spend enough time with her while she was still alive! She was eight years old Lily; and I never really gave her attention, and now I want to. " He told her as his voice broke and he fell back into his chair. Lily looked on as he buried his face in his hands and broke down into a wave of tears. Lily slowly approached him and placed her hand on his shoulder. He pulled back from under her defensively; she shuttered a sigh as she walked back up the stairs.  
  
"Are you alright Lily," Sirius asked as he put his arm around her and peered down to see her face. Lily nodded as she allowed her tears to fall freely. Remus put his arm around her as well as they heard soft footsteps in front of them. James slowly walked into the room as people parted a way for him as he made his way to the open coffin with a small eight year old in it. Lily watched as she saw James kneel in front of it and realized that he was right; she didn't know any of that stuff or would regret it herself but he would. He got up and made his way towards the three and stopped a few feet in front of them. His face was pale and saddened. They watched as he unsuccessfully blinked back tears and pulled him into a hug as the tears began to fall.  
  
A/N: What do you think? I know it's pretty dreary (way different from what I'm used to writing) but this was just a one stab thing, I had to get rid of some of my lingering emotions from my Great-Grandma's wake. I don't know if I'll make another chapter after this, we'll see what you all think. 


End file.
